The Lone Swordsmen
by Davner
Summary: The weirdest cameo in Slayers history...


Slayers is the property of Kadokawa Shoten. The Lone Gunmen are the property of   
Chris Carter.  
  
  
  
The Lone Swordsmen  
  
  
  
Amelia turned the corner and ran promptly into Sylphiel...  
  
At which point she screamed and jumped ten feet back.   
  
Sylphiel just blinked. "Amelia? What's wrong?"  
  
At this point, Lina turned the same corner and sighed. "Amelia, I told   
you. It's all right. There's no way they could have possibly been right."   
  
Amelia stared hard at Sylphiel, not convinced.  
  
"Amelia! It's *SYLPHIEL* for gods sake!"  
  
"What's going on?" Sylphiel asked in puzzlement.  
  
Lina sighed. "It all started when I got a letter this morning..."  
  
  
  
  
"Miss Lina," Amelia called as the fiery-haired sorceress descended the   
stairs to the inn. "Someone left a letter for you today."  
  
Lina blinked. "Who knows I'm in Atlas City?"  
  
Amelia shrugged. "There's no return address." She offered the small   
envelope to Lina, who took it and opened it.  
  
"'Dear Lina chan,'" she read. "'Please visit us in the usual spot this   
afternoon. TLS.'"  
  
"TLS?" Amelia asked. "Is that someone's initials?"  
  
"TLS...TLS..." Lina whispered. Suddenly, her eyes went wide. "Oh, god,   
no..."  
  
  
  
Lina sighed and knocked on the door to the ratty looking downtown   
building.   
  
"Miss Lina," Amelia began, uncertainly. "Why did we have to come alone?   
Shouldn't we get Mister Zelgadis and Mister Gourry or Miss Sylphiel to come   
along?"  
  
Before the sorceress could answer, a small, horizontal slot in the door   
opened, revealing a pair of eyes behind a pair of horn-rimmed eye-glasses. "Who   
shot JFK?" a voice came from behind the door.  
  
"JFK?" Amelia asked.  
  
"Jean Francis Kanaris," Lina told him. "A mayor who got assassinated   
fifty years ago." She turned back to the door. "It's me, open the door."  
  
"Who shot JFK?"  
  
Lina's eyes narrowed. "It's me, Lina. Open the door. I don't have time   
for this!"  
  
"Who shot J..."  
  
"LEO HARBOLD OSMER! OPEN THE DOOR, LANGLEY!"  
  
The eyes stared down at her, then disappeared as the slot closed.  
  
"These people are very odd, Miss Lina," Amelia commented.  
  
The sorceress sighed. "Tell me about it."  
  
There were several clicks and clacks from behind the door, which suddenly   
opened. A tall man with long blonde hair and glasses stood there. "Quick, come   
inside! Were you followed?!"  
  
"Were we followed?" Amelia asked, looking over her shoulder. "I don't   
think so."  
  
"Who's the narc?" the blonde man asked.  
  
"It's okay, Langley," Lina assured him. "She's with me."  
  
Langley looked Amelia over then nodded. "Okay." He stepped aside and let   
them enter.  
  
The interior of the house looked more like a temple. Magical wards   
against eavesdropping were plastered all over the walls. A balding older man in   
wire rim glasses was sitting at a table, looking at a crystal through a   
magnifying glass. Standing behind him was a younger man with short brown hair   
and a beard.  
  
The older man looked up. "Hey, Lina. Who's the narc?"  
  
"I am not a narc!" Amelia cried.  
  
"Guys, this is Amelia," Lina said, chucking a thumb at the   
princess/sorceress. "Amelia, meet the Lone Swordsmen." She pointed at the   
blonde man, "Langley," the young man, "Byers," and then the older man at the   
table, "And Frohicky."  
  
"The Lone Swordsmen?" Amelia asked, blinking. "Never heard of them."  
  
"That's good," Langley told her, waving a crystal wand in front of her.   
  
Amelia's eyes followed the wand as it roamed up and down her body.   
"Um...What are you doing?"  
  
"He's checking you for crystal bugs," Byers told her.   
  
"She's clean."  
  
"What's this all about guys?" Lina asked, getting very tired very   
quickly.  
  
The man named Byers approached, picking up several pictures off a table.   
"We need your help, Lina. We're looking for a man."  
  
"Aren't we all?" Lina asked.  
  
Byers held a picture up for them to see.  
  
"That's Mister Xellos!" Amelia cried, pointing.  
  
The picture was one of Xellos, holding his staff in one hand and giving   
the victory sign with the other. He was grinning from ear to ear...  
  
A burning city was in the background.  
  
"That's right," Byers told her. "Xellos..." He pulled out the next   
picture, one of Xellos in a green military uniform, complete with medals,   
ribbons, sunglasses, hat, and cheesy moustache. "AKA Generalissimo Roas Krakowa   
of Sievar..." He took out another picture, this one of a man in white robes and   
a giant hat. "AKA Pious the Seventh." He pulled out a new picture of a man in   
a blue suit and red neck-tie. "AKA Dan Quayle..."  
  
"What do you guys want with Xellos?" Lina asked.  
  
"What do we want with him?!" Langley asked. "How about for crimes   
against humanity?"  
  
"You guys want to arrest Mister Xellos?" Amelia asked.  
  
"He would so kick your ass," Lina told them, shaking her head.  
  
Langley paused for a second, floundering. "Yeah...well...We have   
Frohicky!"  
  
"My kung fu's the best, babe," Frohicky told her seriously.  
  
"Look, Lina," Byers broke in. "We're not asking you to go up against him.   
This is our fight. We just heard that you have contact with him every once in   
awhile and might know where he is."  
  
"Well, on that, I really can't help you. He disappeared on us about three   
weeks ago."  
  
The Lone Swordsmen sighed.   
  
"But he usually shows up when you least expect him."  
  
"Well, that's easy for him," Langley commented.  
  
"What do you mean?" Amelia asked.  
  
"He's a master of disguise," Frohicky told her. "He can show up as   
anyone, anywhere."  
  
"He could be you," Langley whispered, walking up to Amelia. "Huh? You   
in there, Mazoku?" He gave Amelia a light push.  
  
"Hey! I'm not an icky Mazoku! Lina! Tell him it's me!"  
  
"Lay off, Langley, I can vouch for her," Lina assured him.  
  
Langley backed down.   
  
"It is true, though," Byers told her. "Xellos has perfected the art of   
masquerade. He can alter his voice, his body language, his very appearance."  
  
"He sometimes masquerades as a woman," Frohicky threw in.  
  
"Oh come on!" Lina cried. "I've seen him cross dress! No one would buy   
him as a woman!"  
  
"That's what he wants you to think," Byers told her. He picked up a new   
picture. "We have reason to believe that he often disguises himself as this   
woman..." He handed them the picture.  
  
Lina and Amelia's eyes nearly bugged out of their heads. "SYLPHIEL!!!???"  
  
"Sylphiel," Langley said. "An anagram for Lephisly...which in the   
ancient dragon languages means 'Dark One...'"  
  
"What the dragons frequently call Xellos," Byers threw in.  
  
"What better cover could he have?" Frohicky asked. "A shrine maiden."  
  
Lina laughed out loud. "Yeah! Right! Sylphiel is actually Xellos!"  
  
"Have you ever seen the two of them at the same place at the same time?"   
Langley asked.  
  
"Um...No," Amelia answered.  
  
"That doesn't mean anything!" Lina said. "I've never seen Xellos in the   
same room with you, Langley! Maybe *you're* Xellos!"  
  
Byers and Frohicky looked at Langley suspiciously for a second.  
  
"I give up! I'm out of here!" Lina cried, heading for the door.  
  
"But, Miss Lina!" Amelia cried out after her. "What if they're right?!"  
  
"Amelia....it's SYLPHIEL!"  
  
Amelia took a breath and seemed to accept this.   
  
"Just do us a favor," Langley started, "If you see him, just tap this   
crystal." He handed her a yellow gem. "It's a Three-X-Z model comm gem that   
will cause a gem here to glow when you activate it."  
  
Lina stared at the gem. "What's it worth?" she asked.  
  
Langley sighed and gave up. Amelia grabbed the crystal. "Don't worry,   
Lone Swordsmen!" she cried, posing. "I, Amelia Wil Tesla Seyruun, will assist   
you in your just quest!"  
  
"I like her!" Frohicky announced.  
  
Lina grabbed Amelia by the scruff of the neck. "Come on, Amelia," she   
said in a tired voice. "Time to go home. You can play with your little friends   
later."  
  
The two of them left the office of the Lone Swordsmen...  
  
  
  
"And that's what Amelia's sudden paranoia is all about," Lina finished.   
  
Sylphiel blinked, then put her hand over her mouth as she started to   
giggle. "Me?! Xellos in disguise!?"  
  
Amelia sulked. "Well, it occurred to me that Xellos left right before you   
rejoined our party and...well..."  
  
"I'm sorry," Sylphiel giggled. "I'm just trying to picture myself as   
evil."  
  
Amelia started to laugh. "Yeah, I guess it is silly."  
  
"There. See?" Lina said with a smile. "Don't pay any attention to those   
guys. Nine times out of ten they're just chasing ghosts." She yawned. "Well,   
it's been a very long day...I'm going to bed. Good night." With that, the   
sorceress walked to her room.  
  
Amelia and Sylphiel walked down the hall towards their rooms, stopping at   
the shrine maiden's.   
  
"Good night, Miss Sylphiel," Amelia said. "I'm sorry I thought you were   
an icky Mazoku."  
  
Sylphiel giggled again. "Don't worry, Miss Amelia. I think it's funny."  
  
Amelia smiled and nodded. "Well, good night." Amelia started down the   
hall.  
  
Sylphiel closed the door and changed into her nightgown. She brushed her   
hair, then laid down on the bed. She giggled and rolled over, her hand falling   
off the bed and to the floor, brushing against her scepter, which she was   
keeping there.  
  
Detecting the touch of its master, the scepter writhed and extended, the   
mother of pearl orb deepened in color to a dull red, shrinking to its original   
size. Before long, a two meter wooden staff with a red gem sat there.  
  
Sylphiel smiled and sent a mental command to the staff, which obeyed by   
shrinking again to the form of a scepter.  
  
She rolled over again.   
  
"Yareyare..."  
  
  
Please send feedback to Davner. ^_^ \/  
doscher009@hotmail.com  



End file.
